Our Puerto Rican-British Marriage
July 8, 2025
www.CrossCulturalVoices.org
Claire Torres: And so we just started with really, we started dating with intentionality. Like we didn't just think, oh, we'll just have some fun together and see what happens. Yeah, it was intentionality. We're both a bit older too, and so we dated with intention of this is gonna end in marriage. We didn't get into it with, oh we'll just see what happens.
John Yoder: Hey everybody. Welcome to Cross-Cultural Voices. John Yoder here again. And I am not alone. We are so glad to have Robin Karkafi with us as our standing co-host.
Robin Karkafi: Hey John. Thanks for having me. I'm super excited to be here.
John Yoder: Last week people got to meet you for the first time. They got to hear your voice and hear your story, and I think a lot of people will resonate with that story because you were so clear about some bad experiences with church, and how you got into a crowd of non-Christian people actually kinder than Christians, until you realize that there were issues there, and then meeting a group of healthy Christians really helped you turn the corner. I think I have heard stories like that so many times, and I think our crowd really resonates with that.
Robin Karkafi: Oh yeah, John, and I find that not enough people talk about those stories, especially their own stories. I was so happy to share my story, and I'm hoping that more conversations will come out of it. We all make mistakes, and especially Christians, I find that because we are held to that standard sometimes, that we have a hard time being honest, authentic with each other. And that can lead us to situations where we're hurting each other.
And that's part of my story as well. I've seen that side of Christians and it did leave a bad taste in my mouth. But God's worked through that to show me that you need to take lead and pursue healthy relationships as a Christian.
John Yoder: Yeah. In so many churches there's that necessity to put on a smiley face and have a “praise the Lord” attitude, which is good, but often to the place where we can't acknowledge the pain and the hurt that churches and Christians cause.
Robin Karkafi: I've had friends that broke down and saying, I can't keep it up. I can't keep up this facade. I really just need to be me. I need to be honest with you. I need to, let that smile turn upside down and actually show out my, what I really feel. And I and I think that needs to be also, that level of authenticity needs to be put out. And this is what we're all about here is just. Hearing people's stories out, hearing how they came out of the other side.
John Yoder: I think a balance is really good that on the one hand we are very honest about our brokenness and fallenness, and yet at the same time we still have joy because we can look to God who does bring us through to victory when we trust him.
Robin, we just look forward to hearing your voice more and more in time to come. But we just want to share a piece of news with everybody, and that is we hope to have a young woman named Maria Makhnach to join us as our second cohost. She was born in Belarus and came to the US when she was 11.
She is a marvelous Christian leader, speaker, disciple maker, and we are in the process right now of fundraising for an additional $4,000 to bring her on as cohost. That drive ends on July the 18th, and you can donate online on our website, www.CrossCulturalVoices.org. It's the same site where you can find all of our podcasts, our transcripts, our blogs, and if you would contribute towards Maria joining us as a co-host, we would appreciate that very much.
So Robin, let's get to today's episode. What do we have?
Robin Karkafi: Yeah. Today marks the start of our Multiethnic Family Survival Skills series, and it is the first part out of three of our interview with Claire and Joel Torres.
They're a lovely Christian couple and today we will be listening to how they met and just the initial hiccups they faced just starting up their relationship and a bit more about them individually before they actually met. So I'm really excited about that.
John Yoder: Yeah, they're a great couple. They are Puerto Rican and British. In weeks to come, we have other couple interviews that are Indian and Caucasian, one is Russian and Mexican. And just hearing their stories of working through multiethnic family stuff is really inspirational.
Robin Karkafi: Awesome. Let's get into it.
Joel Torres: So my name is Pedro. My first name is Pedro. Second name is Joel, Torres. Most people and my family and close relatives and friends call me Joel.
So yeah, I was born in Puerto Rico, the island of Puerto Rico. It's in the Caribbean. We're neighbors with Cuba, Dominican Republic and the Virgin Islands. And I grew up in the eighties. I'm an eighties, nineties guy. It was very go out and play and come back home when it's dark, and that's how it was.
Claire Torres: I am Claire Torres and married to Joel, as you can probably figure that one out. I was born and raised in the city of Exeter in England, in the United Kingdom. So I lived there all of my life up until July of 2019, when I moved to Minnesota.
I was raised by my mom and dad, and I also have two brothers who were twins, Mark and Simon. And so we were raised in that family there. And I really was a part of that community in Exeter for many years. Then when I graduated from college, I moved around, lived in a couple different places, but my home base, my family base is still Exeter, all my family still live there right now.
Joel Torres: In September 2017, we had in the island in Puerto Rico, there was a hurricane the worst hurricane in the history of the island, called Hurricane Maria. After the hurricane on October 14th, 2017, I decided to move to Virginia because the situation in the island was really, it was really complicated. We didn't know what was gonna happen. It was chaos and, it was very uncertain. A lot of Puerto Ricans moved to the US, and I was one of those.
And I moved to Virginia. I lived there for three years through all the pandemic and everything. And then in March, 2021, I moved to Minnesota.
Claire Torres: So I was a pastor for many years of a church over in England, and we were receiving missions teams of young people were coming just to experience what it was like to live in England, to do some stuff around the church to help us out. I got connected to a pastor from Minnesota who was leading these teams of young people and he invited me to come and visit Minnesota.
Funny enough, Joel was moving to Virginia in October, 2017. I actually came from my very first visit to Minnesota in October of 2017, and I just came had a couple of weeks with my friends, just experienced life here, but I didn't really think anything other than I had a kind of a good vacation, a good experience.
But then in January of 2018, I felt that God had really given me a vision and a heart for Minnesota and that he had, he was asking me to move here as a missionary. I. So that's what I did. I actually came as a missionary with the Assemblies of God denomination. And I came in July of 2019 and really lived my life as a missionary for the first three and a half years of my time here.
John Yoder: So here's something really fun I learned about that first part. I learned that Joel is a two syllable name in Spanish. I got a lot of friends in American named Joel, like the Old Testament prophet. It's one syllable. But I didn't know until I got on this call that it's Joel (pronounced like Joelle), and it reminds me of other names too, like King Saul in the Old Testament. In Spanish, it's Saul (pronounced Sa-ool), like the name Raul. So there's your Spanish lesson for the day.
Robin Karkafi: That's awesome. I've always heard names being spelled differently or pronounced differently in different languages. And now the trend in churches is, Hey, what's the proper Hebrew pronunciation for a word? And who's got the bigger flexing their Bibles and who knows how things are better pronounced, but that's awesome. That's fun.
John Yoder: The lead pastor in their church is named Joel, and he's an American, so I have to remember it is Pastor Joel and husband Jo-el.
Robin Karkafi: You should call him Jo-el and see what his reaction looks like.
John Yoder: Oh, I'm sure the two of them know each other. Anyway, in the next segment, the two of them share how they met and how they started their dating relationship. How did the two of you meet?
Joel Torres: Oh that's interesting. That's interesting and funny at the same time and a God thing. So I lived by myself in Virginia for a while, and I knew that God had a wife for me.
I knew that I was gonna get married again, 'cause I was divorced and remarried with Claire. And so I was praying. I was praying and I knew Lord you have it, you have a wife for me. I know you're preparing her for me. But before that I had a lot of, things happening, funny things happening.
I spent a lot of money on Christian dating websites. I was about to give up, to be honest with you, but I saw Claire on a Christian dating website called Christian Cafe. And I saw her picture and somehow the Lord said, it's gonna be your wife. And I started praying and the Lord confirmed it to me and said, she you're gonna, you're probably gonna marry her. And I'm like, just laughing, because I was like, what? Puerto Rican and a Brit, how does that work? I've never heard of that before.
So I always say to people that this is God's sense of humor. This marriage is God's sense of humor. Because I was laughing, as I was praying like, Lord, really? But God had a plan. And we started dating through video chatting. We used to watch movies together, shows, series, whatever. We used to order food for her through DoorDash.
I was living in Virginia and I'm gonna order food for you. And then at some point we were talking about how is this gonna work. And Claire said, if you want to be with me, you have to move to Minnesota. And that was like, oof. I was like, whoa, that is, but and she said to me, but this is the thing. You have to pray about it because you are not gonna move here because you wanna be with me. You are gonna move here because the Lord is telling you that you're gonna do it.
And prayers. John, let me tell you, it was bold prayer. I prayed, and I prayed. And I remember that the Lord revealed to me that he was gonna use Claire for a purpose, and through, through prayer, through the Word of God, the Lord said, you are going. He gave me Joshua 1:9 as another confirmation that you're going to Minnesota.
And people in Virginia would tell me like, what, why are you going to Minnesota, so cold over there? Tell her to come here. That's not how it works. They don't understand the Lord had a plan and a purpose.
Robin Karkafi: See John, I really find it interesting. Nowadays dating apps have taken a turn and in Christian circles, dating apps are really like a big thing, right? More and more are coming out. More and more people are using them. And this is one of those situations where I'm proven wrong 'cause my take on it is, I associate dating apps with hookup culture and Tinder and the rest are the biggest ones out there.
And maybe that's just a lack of openness on my end, but I praise God, he was able to use a dating app and a Christian one nonetheless, to bring new two people together and for them to serve serve him together in one place.
John Yoder: Yeah, we've had quite a few friends who met on dating apps, and Sherry and I met through a dating service. But it's so long ago, it was before the internet apps were out.
Robin Karkafi: Wow. Wow, that's awesome. And how did that work?
John Yoder: It was 1996, so it was about three years before eHarmony was launched. And this lady had a service, you paid her a fee and she would mail out a paper mailing every month of all the men's ads, all the women's ads, about four sentences each.
And Sherry had an ad I liked, and I mailed her a letter with my phone number. And she called me. That's how old this stuff is. But last week we celebrated our 28th anniversary.
Robin Karkafi: Oh, that's awesome. That's amazing. Honestly, Joel was given a choice, right? She told him if they want to date, if they wanna get married, he'll have to move. And I love how she already knew that, if this is to work out, she already knew where God had her serving him. I guess that's something that I admire about that.
John Yoder: Dating is so hard. We affirm that singleness and marriage are both gifts of God. They're equally valuable in the eyes of God, and we do not believe that singles are second class to married people. Not at all. They're equal.
But there is a wonderful place for engagement in marriage and babies and all of that. And it is hard. I was just chatting with a young man yesterday that said if you meet a young woman in real life, how do you know that she would have any interest in dating period, much less dating you? And he wrestles with that.
I've also heard that even with Christians, with dating apps, very sad, there's the hookup culture. There's date rape that professed Christians do. It's one of those things where you've gotta be very careful and cautious, and when you're meeting a stranger to go a little bit with your shields up and not totally trusting.
Robin Karkafi: Oh, a hundred percent. And you can never be too sure. But I think with prayer and proper. Time things can work out very much.
And then there's the same pressure when it comes to having kids. It's even for married couples, is that pressure is should we have kids. Everybody's telling us to have kids.
John Yoder: Joel and Claire talked about that in our third session together. We'll talk about the fact that they married later, just like Sherry and I did. Married but no kids, and the pressure they faced.
Let's go on and let's talk let's listen to the part where they share about their engagement period.
Claire Torres: So I flew to him the first time that we met in person. It was September of 2020. I was still living as a missionary, so I could be a bit more flexible to quarantine and do some of those roles that were around. At the time Joel was working around pharmaceuticals in a warehouse, so there was quarantine, so I flew to him.
People thought I was gonna end up on Dateline. They were like, you're gonna end up on Dateline. I said, no, I'm not. Obviously it did very well. Was in a text group telling people where I was, I introduced him on video to my pastor at the time beforehand. So we did it all above board.
But yeah, I went to visit him a couple of times. And before he moved here in March of 2021. But it just amazing really how we're a pandemic love. And we met in a country that is neither of our countries. What God does is amazing. You forgot to show the part where you flew to Virginia.
Joel Torres: She flew to Virginia. And we drove from Virginia to Minnesota.
Claire Torres: To move him here.
Joel Torres: Yeah. Like I grabbed all my stuff, my, even my mountain bike and everything. In the car. Yes. The car was like so heavy. Oh man, there's so many stuff in there.
Claire Torres: And so when he moved here, we needed to be around each other a bit more, right? Long distance has is good in some ways 'cause you learn to build communication skills 'cause you can't rely on some of the other methods. But we did still need to be around one another in proximity to one another for a while.
But after just that, we got engaged in. September, 2021. So it didn't take long from him moving to us getting engaged, and then we were married in April of 2022.
Joel Torres: Yeah. Another funny thing is the fact that I was praying for all the wrong things, in the beginning to seek for a asking the Lord for a wife, and I will meet this lady and everything will just not work like for some reason. And then the Lord said you have to change the way that you're praying.
You have to change the way that you're asking me for a wife. And I started praying for a woman of God.
I said, Lord, give me a woman that will serve you diligently, that will dedicate her life for you. And yeah. And, but I honestly did not know that he was gonna give me a pastor. I did not expect that.
Claire Torres: That's a funny thing. I was somebody who was like, I'm just gonna be single and just serve God as a single person. But and I really went on this Christian dating website 'cause I was bored, like a lot of us were in May of 2020. And it is just the way to meet people.
But as soon as I met Joel, I knew that he was different. And maybe there was something that we could do in service of God together better than I could by myself. And so we just started with really, we started dating with intentionality. Like we didn't just think, oh, we'll just have some fun together and see what happens. It was intention.
We're both a bit older too, and so we've dated with intention of, this is gonna end in marriage. We didn't get into it with, oh we'll just see what happens.
John Yoder: So what really stood out to me most in that Robin was the thing that Claire closed with, and that they were dating intentionally.
A lot of young people just wanna go out and have fun, and that can lead to trouble. And I'm not saying don't have fun. Please go for a walk, go to a movie, do whatever you both enjoy, but have something in mind. Joel was saying, I had to stop and realize what I want and what I want is a woman of God doesn't necessarily mean a pastor, but somebody that Jesus is at the core of her identity. And when we know what we're looking for in dating, it really helps us.
Robin Karkafi: I feel like that extra layer of accountability is something that young adults and teenagers tend to avoid just because they think it's maybe an invasion of their privacy, or they won't have as much fun and not understanding that it is really just for their own good.
And sometimes they understand that way too late. It's great that she was texting people, making sure that what they were doing, and really keeping in mind that marriage is the goal here.
Just a piece of encouragement for anybody listening is it's really in that, in those first stages and even actually more crucial in the later stages of dating, is to really have someone you trust and you're comfortable with, it could be your youth pastor your church pastor someone, you or an elder or even a friend, because I know it's hard sometimes to open up to family members about this kind of stuff.
And no one wants to share with the family members where they going, what they're doing. Some do, which is great, and I wish I could be like that. Love the way they started off that that, that relationship
John Yoder: I agree with that. Engaging others. First of all, when you engage others, you're less likely to get in trouble because you know when people are watching.
But what was one thing that was really important for me and Sherry, was to be vetted by each other's family and friends. We wanted our family and friends to kick each other's tires. And so we started sharing immediately who we knew in common. And who they might call, and I would take her to meet my friends and vice versa, and they would ask questions.
She even called my pastor and said, I just wanna meet with you one-on-one and I want to grill you about this guy, and I welcomed that.
Robin Karkafi: That's awesome. That is amazing. And I think that including the church as a whole and your family and on this now they did say they were in a pandemic. And I'm sure that would've been hard at the time. I'm sure God used that and gave them some sort of solution. But they're married now, so I'm sure it worked out.
John Yoder: I didn't know them at the time. I'm assuming that the wedding was smaller than they would've hoped for, but when there's a pandemic, you do what you can.
Robin Karkafi: John, it's great listening to these stories. Claire and Joel are honestly a couple I admire just listening to how they got to know each other, and they're focus on serving God. I'm excited for what's next. What is next?
John Yoder: So part two of the interview, they share with us three of the most common issues that couples wrestle with. One is money, the spender and the saver. One is time--are we punctual, or is time kind of fluid? And the third, is and not as many talk about this, but noise. Do you prefer your household to be really quiet and sedate, or more lively? And they come from opposite ends of the spectrum on all three. And next time they are gonna share with us how they work through that.
Robin Karkafi: That's amazing. I'm looking forward to it.
John Yoder: Yeah. Alright everybody, we'll see you next time.
